My Opinion
With April having been Sexual Assault Awareness month, I was given the opportunity to
do many speaking engagements. I was asked to give a Keynote address in Cambria County for
an “Evening of Remembrance and Hope” for victims of crime. The message I wanted to send out
to those who have been victimized sexually is that you can overcome the hurt and the pain. I
ended with some quotes that I have collected over the years describing sexual victimization as a
permanent scar:
“…and I did not want my 8 year old daughter thinking ‘bad touching’ is not serious just because it
doesn’t kill the person. (I did tell her that this crime kills the soul of a child and, knowing what the
soul is, she then understood the severity of what I was talking about).” A letter written to an
Education Specialist by a concerned parent.
“In April 1998, I died. I was murdered by a trusted friend, a 35-year-old priest…He destroyed
every ounce of faith in my soul.” An 18-year-old’s Victim Impact Statement describing the
sexual abuse he went through from a priest at age 13.
“The innocence of his childhood is gone. How can my son not hate me for failing to protect him?
Can he even forgive me when I can’t even forgive myself?” The Mother of the 18-year-old
Victim
I was there that night also discussing my own personal sexual victimization when I was ten and
eleven years old. But unlike many sexual abuse victims, my “secret” would soon be a secret to no
one. Fortunately, it wasn’t a situation of me not being believed. I had medical documents
confirming the fact. I did, however, deny the abuse until confronted with the medical evidence. I
remember it like it was yesterday…not 20 years ago.
My mother came and picked me up at the bus stop; she told my older brother to go play, took me
home, sat me on the couch and told me “the medical exam came back positive.” I tried one futile
effort of naivety and asked, “What does that mean?” It was at this point my mother said, “It
means that you were sexually abused.”
To this day, I am thankful my mother did not tell me: “That means your soul is dead. That means
you were murdered and your innocence of your childhood is gone. Jody, you no longer have a
soul…now go play!” My mother was very supportive and listened when I wanted to talk. She
was my counselor. She was empowering. And by the end of the summer I had adjusted to my life
and was the same kid I was before the victimization. And I am happy to report my soul is alive
and well and happy.
Which brings me to MY OPINION: Being the victim of sexual abuse is not a curse or a death
sentence. As unfortunate as it is, one cannot only be a “survivor” but they can be more than that.
Having been the victim of a crime is different from living the life of a victim. Many people have
been the victim of sexual abuse and still accomplished great things. So before you label a sexual
abuse victim as “scarred for life” or “forever damaged,” remember the lesson my mother taught
me: I was going to be okay.